How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: don’t talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.

Don’t say anything if she’s lost weight. Don’t say anything if she’s gained weight.

If you think your daughter’s body looks amazing, don’t say that. Here are some things you can say instead:

“You look so healthy!” is a great one.

Or how about, “you’re looking so strong.”

“I can see how happy you are – you’re glowing.”

Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.

Don’t comment on other women’s bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.

Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.

Don’t you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don’t go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don’t say “I’m not eating carbs right now.” Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.

Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that’s a good thing sometimes.

Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you’ll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn’t absolutely in love with.

Prove to your daughter that women don’t need men to move their furniture.

Teach your daughter how to cook kale.

Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.

Pass on your own mom’s recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside.

Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide rib cages. It’s easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don’t. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.

Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul.

I do not have a Birth Daughter but I helped to raise my husband’s daughter.  I met Jaime when she was two.  Jaime’s Birth mother was everything I was not. She was slender, dark and  exotic looking , she danced, exercised took care of herself… But the biggest difference between Jaime’s mother and myself was that she was a selfish woman and ridiculed Jaime about her body all the time.  I had such a different attitude about a “body” and always conveyed this same thing to Jaime.  I had grown up with a sister who had an eating disorder and I learned and realized never to focus on a body image to an extreme… exaggerate the positive and minimize the negative.  By the time I met Jaime I was pretty educated and I was sensitive to what she was going through I was not able to determine her body weight as she grew because she lived with her mother and as a result gained the control of her life by eating what she wanted when she could even if it meant sneaking it, she did. I refused to discipline Jaime  for what she did on her mom’s time she was a perfect little girl when she was with me and she knew I loved her no matter what she looked like… and so she grew Jaime lived away from us for most of her life graduated from high school in St. Thomas and then moved to Hawaii where she lived for 17 years.  As I write this we are blessed with the fact that she and her family have moved from Hawaii and are living 20 minutes away from us and maybe who knows she may choose to change her body but it will be for her because I would never want her to change her heart … She is one of the most wonderful young women I know…

I post this article in the hopes that young woman can be happy in the skin they are in and that we can all evolve to accept all types and support each other to become what we need to be in order to conduct a life that is full and productive…

Learn more about me and a part of my life at www.jimandlisasama.com

My best to you, Lisa Monica